So, last week I took my first Krav Maga class at Dragon Within. I thought since I have been working here for about 6 months it would be good to see what everyone does and get a better understanding of the arts. I also had a lot of personal issues to get over. I have a fear of being too close to people, I don’t like being touched or really touching others. I have hardly any confidence in my abilities to do anything. I’m over weight, shy and embarrassed about nearly everything. I have also had a lot of “traumatic” experiences in my life that I have yet to be able to get over.
You see when you have something traumatic happen, with out going into gory details to make people heads spin, it takes something away from you. Some people are strong enough to get over it on their own. Some people let it haunt them and really hold them back from a lot of things. Some people like me, relive the trauma every day and with subtle movements or conversations, it can put you in a bad place mentally. So the old saying goes, you can either run from it or face it. So I suggest to all you out there like me who suffer from living nightmares… just face your fears. You wont regret it.
Enough about me, and the reasons I have for staying away from anything challenging. I decided it was time for me to try to push myself to a whole new limit. It wasn’t about working out, or using my boss for his gym and space. It was about learning. It was about getting over my fear, and maybe gain the confidence I need and stop being so emotional and fearful.
My First DAY
So I walked into my first class, scared out of my mind just praying that I wouldn’t cave. Praying that I wouldn’t cry, or freak out, or give up. I was surprised I was able to jog and shuffle and keep up with everyone. “Okay this isn’t so bad, I got this”…. Then we bear crawled and I felt so out of place. It is an awkward position with your butt in the air, and your crawling across the floor. I was the slowest one in the room. I finished last. But then I got up and stretched out with the group caught my breath and kept going. Then we went over bear hugs. So basically someone has to grab you from behind and you have to get out of it. Great so I get to feel like I’m about to be taken by some huge man. But okay, I keep repeating to myself, I can do this, I can do this. And I did! Slowly at first, but then faster and I hit harder. I felt myself getting angry at the pads and would ram my knee into them like I was hurting the people that have hurt me so many times. Then it was over…. So I thought.
We moved on to the next exercise. I have to stand alone by myself with my eyes closed and let someone attack me. Once again all I could think about was someone sneaking up on me and doing unspeakable things. But I pushed through it. And every time someone hit me with the pad, I would get scared out of my mind and freeze for a second. But then I was instinctively hit, and keep hitting the pad. I felt good to hit it. I let out all the anger. Then it was over. I made it through….
But we weren’t done! Now we have to get in a group and put one person in the middle and get attacked from all over by 4-5 other people. By the time I was in the middle, I was the only girl with 4 men surrounding me. My heart was pounding through my chest. I wanted to roll over and cry right then and there. But I didn’t. I hit and hit again. I booty bumped, and high kneed those men. I was fearless, on the outside. I was praying no one could see my fear that I was holding in. Then I was getting exhausted. It hit me that I’m extremely out of shape. But I wasn’t letting my mind quit on me. I hit those men with every last ounce of energy I had.
I did it. I made it through my first class. It felt so good to finish it. I accomplished my first goal. I was on top of the world. I felt like I could accomplish anything. I was hot, sweaty, and sore but I was pumped. I couldn’t wait to go back and challenge myself again.
I will admit, I went into my car and cried and called my friend who made a very valid point…. I DID IT! I didn’t give up. That’s the key here is you can do anything if you put your mind to it. All of a sudden I felt better and was so confident, I was almost high on life. I had such a burst of energy and thought to myself… I can do anything I want. I can’t wait to go back.